Fluent in Love Language
If you’ve came in close contact with me at any point in your lifetime, you’ve probably heard me preach about love languages and how intriguing I think they are.
Okay, that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but I’ve definitely forced an abnormal amount of people to take at least one cheesy love language test at one point or another. The results tell you which one you “speak fluently” in and which one you struggle to even “conjugate.”
There are five different types:
Physical Touch
Acts of Service
Words Of Affirmation
Quality Time
Gifts
It was very evident early on that physical touch was a love language I had trouble conjugating. I wanted to sleep in my own bed the second I came out of the womb and rarely ever greet my friends with a hug no matter how long it’s been since I’ve seen them last. It’s incredibly rare for me to kiss my boyfriend in front of other people no matter how long we’ve been dating. I get uncomfortable when people hug me for too long. And cuddling is probably my least favorite pastime.
You know the meme when you get a birthday card and have to act like you didn’t see the money fall out of it, reading whatever the giver wrote in your card with wide eyes and lots of expression. You all know what I’m talking about. Yeah, I am guilty of this, however, I’m usually much more interested in what someone wrote to me than any amount of money placed next to those words. And chances are, if you’ve ever given me a card for a special occasion, written me a letter, or even left a note on a sticky, it’s probably sitting under my bed in a little decorative box.
the collection
I have a list of things people have said to me over the years living in a notes section in my phone. Sentences that’ll make me smile when I read them over again and maybe even jerk a tear if you’re lucky.
“I always look forward to your designs”
“You remind me of 90’s and 2000’s punk rock alternative music… that was supposed to be a compliment”
“You’re a lot better than 90% of the people I’ve talked to, it genuinely brings a smile to my face texting you”
“You know when there’s certain things you just miss that you know aren’t in anyone else”
“You are naturally beautiful”
“I love your thinking process”
“You are always welcome in our home”
“You just have such a vibe about you that I think is so cool”
“I miss the taste of your kisses”
“Thank you for forgiving me”
“Texting you is like magical… Almost like I feel like a kid again”
“You are now the blueprint of a girl”
“There’s not a single bad thought about you in my mind, everything is just a smile and warm heart feels”
“I want to be Sarah Pascarella when I grow up”
“Your blog recently really inspired me to show my creative side”
“I feel so comfortable around you”
“Me and ______ literally had like a 30 min convo the other day about how much we love you”
“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me”
“(You) are wise beyond (your) years”
“I aspire to be like you”
“You’re genuinely one of my fav people in LB”
“No matter what you always have a smile on your face and I love that”
“You’re inspirational af”
“The only joy I’ve gotten tonight has been from talking to you”
“My mom said if you want to come over and have a slice of pizza you can”
“I couldn’t have done this without you”
“You’re the coolest person I know”
“I f*ck with you fr”
“You get me back to that giddy happiness that I don’t choose it just happens”
“I feel like I haven’t clicked with anyone like you in forever”
“You got me smiling at my phone at 2 am”
“Always feels so f*ckin at home with you this is dumb”
Now these are some pretty hefty sentences but sometimes it doesn’t take much.
It could be as small as the random little girl telling me she likes my converse despite them being covered in dirt and month old acai stains.
Or the employee at Plato’s Closet complimenting my hair color even though it’s fried from being box dyed too many times.
Sadly, for every positive comment, comes a negative one. And unfortunately, some people often forget the oldest rule in the book, “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say it at all".
I typically forgive people too easily but that doesn’t mean I forget what they say just as easy.
“I can’t wait for you to get sex trafficked”
“Wow you are actually the worst”
“I guess these are your true colors showing”
“Aren’t cheerleaders supposed to be hot?”
Hearing “F*ck Sarah Pascarella” from the other room at a party
“You look like you’ve gained weight”
“Did you look in the mirror before you walked out of the house today”
“What’s up with your outfit?”
“Tu arte es horrible”
“Can I get your friend’s snap?”
“You’re too hippie for me to date”
“I’m very disappointed in you”
“You should brush your hair once in awhile”
“You run weird”
“I’d rather date someone like your best friend”
“My mom wished you looked more presentable”
“You look super sloppy when you cheer and have no idea what you’re doing”
“You should’ve been a garbage truck driver”
“She doesn’t approve of us dating”
And if you haven’t figured it out by now, my love language is very prominently words of affirmation.
An, “I’m so proud of you” text goes a long way
Or even a simple, “ I appreciate you”
Or a, “this reminded me of you” text connected to some link
I’m convinced I have a different love language than the people that came up with the quotes, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me,” and “Actions speak louder than words,” because for me, that’s never been the case.
I think what most people don’t realize is that we all give, receive, and experience love in different ways.
Noticing the separate patterns of love will explain lots in your every day routine and the people involved in it.
The way my good friend Michael is completely content coming over and sitting on the floor to do homework with the main activity being writing out discussion posts because his love language is quality time.
The way my Dad’s is acts of service because whenever I come home from college he bends over backwards to help me with my school projects and makes sure my car is always sparkly clean.
The way Lexie’s is definitely not physical touch because even though she’s one of my best friend’s, I think we’ve hugged no more than 3 times.
1 of 3
It’s the reason I’ve always wanted a penpal.
Why long distance relationships are always my preference because they solely consist of words, texts, and calls.
The reason I keep screenshots of text messages where people have sent nice paragraphs.
Why Bennett from the Bachelorette instantly stole my heart with his articulate vocabulary.
I remember my step sister asking my step mom why she’s so heartless and never shows PDA with my Dad. It didn’t take me long to realize Lisa’s desired love languages are similar to mine in that she doesn’t show affection physically but instead with words. This clicked when she started crying while telling me of something my Nonna had said to her years ago, before her and my Dad were even married. It stuck with her all those years.
Peyton’s mom’s is gifts in which we take time out of all of our hangouts picking out a present to bring home to her.
Dan’s is physical touch in which the first time we met all he wanted to do was play fight.
Amanda’s is quality time in which she was understandably very upset with me when I consecutively blew off all our plans for a couple months.
Yosemite 2020
Aunt Sandy shows love by acts of service, always offering help with whatever life events her friends and family are planning.
My cat Felix’s is quality time, always under my feet when I’m trying to make breakfast in a timely manner.
David’s was physical touch, getting upset with me when I refused to hold his hand at school.
Once you figure out how the people around you like to give and receive love, it makes everything so much easier on both ends.
Valentine’s Day was yesterday. A made up holiday having one purpose, to show love.
And as mentioned in an earlier blog post, I am a very observant person.
The second I woke up on Sunday, I looked outside my window to see a gentleman bringing two pink reusable coffee cups to a loved one. Acts of Service.
Walked into the kitchen to see Julia putting all sorts of treats on the dining table for the roommates. Gifts.
Stepped outside to see my downstairs neighbor bringing his wife a Hallmark card. Words of Affirmation.
Drove to work and saw strangers having picnics on both sides of PCH. Quality time.
And of course, big hugs, forehead kisses, and hand holding on every corner. Physical Touch.
I know a few people despise Valentine’s Day but I think it’s a needed Holiday for some.
A whole day of excused love, giving people a reason to show their appreciation because otherwise, they might not have the motivation to on a normal day.
You don’t have to have a significant other to celebrate it either. There’s platonic love, familial love, romantic love, childhood love, self love, unspoken love, oft-spoken love, temporary love, endless love, unconditional love. And the coolest part about there being so many different kinds, is that it’s more likely to be everywhere.
It’s not that hard to notice love once you start seeking it. Similar to when you start looking for a car to buy and a Mini Cooper S Convertible with racing stripes is what you set your heart on and now you notice them all over the road.
If there’s one thing I can takeaway from the year 2020, it’s that love will always prevail.
The Year 2020
No matter the current state of the world, no matter your differing political beliefs, no matter gender, love has and will always exist and I think that’s absolutely beautiful.
The way the Sun and Moon share the same sky, taking turns providing incredible views and serving different purposes for the planet we call home.
The way commercial pilot’s fly thousands of people everyday, bringing them to family, friends, and new experiences.
The way our bodies produce goosebumps when we get too cold in attempt to make us feel warm again.
The way some people will give their last cash dollar to a homeless person on the side of the road.
The way sea otters hold hands when they sleep so they don’t float away from each other.
Love is displayed everywhere and carried out in an abundant amount of ways.
Love is holding your friends hair back when they’re puking.
Love is housing 7 frat boys in your apartment when theirs is infested with black mold.
Love is putting a blanket over someone when they fall asleep on the wood floor.
Love is giving your neighbor pancake mix when they wake up craving them.
Love is laying on the floor of a parking garage to get a good angle for your friend’s instagram picture.
Love is throwing a surprise party for someone.
Love is helping them move into their new dorm room.
Love is taking in a child that’s not related to you.
Love is combing out the lice in your daughter’s hair.
Okay, I won’t put a picture for that one.
But, this language is not one taught in school.
It’s not an elective.
There’s no AP test for it.
But it is something I think everyone should study.
We are all students of love.
So study the people around you.
The way they give love, the way they react to love when receiving it a certain way.
Make them take a love language quiz online. Like the one’s your distant relative will repost on Facebook. “Find out which Disney Princess you are!”
It’s a simple Google search and will only take about five minutes of your time in return for a lifetime full of intentional love.
Ask them for their results and start showing up as that.
Practice loving them in their desired form and I promise you will notice a shift.
This is one of the most important subjects you can study.
It’s universal and something we can all be fluent in if we just pay more attention.
